I shared this situation/problem in a recent blog, called funnily enough, “The Spectra”. There I suggested that the best way to deal with people like this, is to mentally erase them from our minds and think of nicer people and not let their “spectral’ shadow hang over us all the time.
If I was preaching here, I would quote in full Philippians 4:8, but as I am not preaching, I will simply paraphrase it and say, whoever and whatever is nice, think about those things and not the spectra.
Although I am again about to take up a position of Pastor/Leader of a small Church, I know only too well that I am not the font of all wisdom, nor am I always right and sometimes simply just not clear. It seems that I was not as clear as I intended in my “The Spectra “ article and my good American friend Lynx replied with the following:
“Being someone's dark spot isn't necessarily a bad thing!!! Maybe it was just you being hard on someone who really needed it. But years down the road they'll remember it and be thankful because it woke them up and got them to shift directions. But you're right, sometimes we are unnecessarily hard or mean to people, whether we mean to or not. And although words should never hurt us, they have been known to make some people go to drastic measures. Words should be rarely spoken, chosen carefully, and delivered delicately when there is any chance that they could hurt. “
Lynx is right. Sometimes we do need to act as someone’s “Dark spot” to not just correct them but to ultimately help them too! Sometimes to their true advantage, and at others, simply to prevent them from hurting themselves and/or others. And we do need to be careful with our words too. Once spoken, or written, it is almost impossible to take them back.
As well as being others’ Dark spot”, sometimes we need to have others to be our own personal “dark spots” and to keep us on the straight and narrow.
However there is a vast difference, in my opinion, between being a” a dark spot” and being a “Spectra’. One is only there occasionally to help and correct. The other is there all the time to hinder and obstruct. Which are you a helpful Dark spot? Or as a hurtful Spectra?
One is good and as Lynx says, necessary. The other is neither good nor necessary. Rather than being both hurtful but ultimately helpful, ‘the Spectra’ is just plain hurtful, even destructive. I close with the same questions as posed above. Are you a helpful Dark spot? Or as a hurtful Spectra?